how to tell if a dick is big

How To Tell If The ๐Ÿ† Is Big

Before you come for us, yeah we get it, size isn’t everything, all bods are gr8 etc. Okay, now that we can make jokes, please let us introduce you to this joyous follow-up to the “Big Dick Energy” trend of a few years ago. Over on our favourite app/addiction, TikTok content creators are making stunning videos about whether someone is well-endowed, based on things that are absolutely unrelated to their actual size leanings. Because quite a number of these are from the perspective of straight women about straight dudes, a lot of them are absolutely just Nice And Good Things that we’d really hope people do anyway.

@vogue.amari

##fyp ##foryou ##viral

โ™ฌ i KNOW its big – ๐–™๐–†๐–˜๐–๐–†๐–ž๐–”๐–“๐–†

For example, if he communicates well, if he’s not intimidated by vibrators, if he’s chill with body hairโ€”his dick is big. Let’s… not talk about how the bar is so low it’s basically a speed bump at this point.

The “his dick is big” TikToks in questions are set to a sound from a Doja Cat song mixed with a voice clip that exclaims, “Oh, his dick is big.” The sound has been absolutely thrashed, used about 33,000 times at the time of writing.

When examining the content with a lil scrutiny amongst the Slack-roundtable, a prescient point was made. How are we differentiating between things that are just, things we reckon any nice boyfriend should do vs. indicators of dick-bigness? Let’s propose this taxonomy: these are things that would mean his dick is big if he’s not your boyfriend when performing these behaviours.

So, without further ado, please find our submissions to the unofficial guide of how to tell if his dick is big.

How To Tell If His Dick Is Big

He orders you food even when you say you didn’t want any

@deanna.mag

Bonk LMAO ##DialItForward ##ImJealous

โ™ฌ i KNOW its big – ๐–™๐–†๐–˜๐–๐–†๐–ž๐–”๐–“๐–†

He knows what to *do*

@isabelkucera77

โ™ฌ i KNOW its big – ๐–™๐–†๐–˜๐–๐–†๐–ž๐–”๐–“๐–†

He composts and knows how to accurately sort recycling

Only environmentally concious kings for us, thanks.

He doesn’t call his exes “crazy”

@hollieloulaird

and thatโ€™s on being mature and respectful ##DOLLHOUSECHALLENGE ##fypใ‚ท ##fyp ##respect ##girlfriend ##boyfriend

โ™ฌ i KNOW its big – ๐–™๐–†๐–˜๐–๐–†๐–ž๐–”๐–“๐–†

“I made you this playlist”

Need we say more? His dick is big.

He actually listens to your podcast reccomendations and reads the articles you send

We’re not sending them for fun, buddy!

He’s chill w period sex

@itsfrancissca

FACTZ ##fyp ##fypใ‚ท ##viral ##comedy ##parati ##couplegoals ##girls

โ™ฌ i KNOW its big – ๐–™๐–†๐–˜๐–๐–†๐–ž๐–”๐–“๐–†

He *gets* K-pop

@madizxn

when he doesnโ€™t have toxic masculinity and doesnโ€™t think kpop is โ€œgayโ€ >>>>>> ##fyp ##4u ##kpop ##foryou

โ™ฌ i KNOW its big – ๐–™๐–†๐–˜๐–๐–†๐–ž๐–”๐–“๐–†

He cries freely during chick flicks… and doesn’t call them chick flicks

His dick is big if he generally bucks reductive ideas about who should consume what content, gendered ideas about beauty and grooming. Like so:

@jade_s14

My side profile really said ๐ŸŒ› ##fyp ##foryou ##DOLLHOUSECHALLENGE ##foryoupage

โ™ฌ i KNOW its big – ๐–™๐–†๐–˜๐–๐–†๐–ž๐–”๐–“๐–†

And finally, his dick is big if he watches shows with the subtitles on

@1cedrik1

Like Iโ€™m so sorry but I literally cannot hear without them ##auditoryprocessingdisorder ##subtitles ##lgbt

โ™ฌ i KNOW its big – ๐–™๐–†๐–˜๐–๐–†๐–ž๐–”๐–“๐–†

Monisha Rudhran (@monishamay) is a writer and chronic Pisces. Formerly at Syrup, she's now a Digital Content Producer at ELLE and marie claire Australia. Sheโ€™s into trying to be a better person and sparkling water.