Asking people out is a dying art. It’s so nerve-racking, so easy to fuck up, and less and less necessary now that most people use dating apps to meet people.
But even scarier than asking someone out is being asked out by someone you’re not particularly interested in. It’s super awkward when someone you’re not into has made a move on you. You don’t wanna come off as an arsehole but you need to clearly communicate that you’re not keen. What do you do?
Never fear: Syrup’s done the emotional legwork for you.
Follow these tips, and the only tears will be from your nonna because you haven’t got married yet (why you no love me no more?!?)
Don’t beat around the bush. If you’re not interested in someone, let them know. Leading them on will only do you and them more harm in the long run. It’s like ripping off a bandaid—painful, gross, a lil sweaty (look I’ve always get super nervous when I have a serious chat with someone and ya man sweats, ok).
Be upfront and honest about where you’re at.
And don’t do the “it’s not you it’s me” thing if it’s not actually you. The only thing worse than getting rejected is getting bullshitted so don’t spin them a line.
You don’t have to explain every little detail why you’re not interested in someone (I mean, it can’t hurt to give them a reason why, but you’re under no obligation to justify matters of the heart) but at least be clear what your intentions are.
If you don’t wanna see them again, then say that!
If you genuinely want to stay friends, then do that!
You’ll only make things awkward by not laying all your cards on the table. Ambiguity is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Like we mentioned earlier, it’s a tricky balance between being considerate of the other person’s feelings and also prioritising your own.
No-one is entitled to your affection—if you’re not into someone, that’s not your fault. People can’t choose who they’re attracted to. Whilst it’s good to be nice, it’s more important that you feel comfortable. The best way to ensure that is by being transparent and clearly communicating your feelings.
Don’t send mixed messages. Rebuffing someone doesn’t have to be awkward—in an ideal world, it’s a simple conversation and everyone moves on with their day. But moving on is key. If you’re not interested in someone and they’ve made a move on you, it’s best to nip it in the bud then and there, otherwise things can just get messier and messier.
For sure, your feelings about someone can change over time. I’ve definitely asked people out who’ve not been interested, and later their minds have changed and we’ve reconnected then—and vice versa. But this doesn’t mean you should keep someone on the hook on the off-chance you might change your mind, or because you want someone “in reserve” or something. That’s emotionally manipulative.
Treat others like you’d want to be treated. Be consistent in your communication and don’t let things drag on.
But if you don’t fuck with our suggestions, i reached out on IG get more advice, which you can read below… at your peril.