If there’s one thing we can surely say about the 2020 U.S. Presidential Election, it’s that the 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump, is a sore loser. Echoing his previous bizarre logic behind COVID-19 rates—less tests ≠ less cases 🤡✌️—the big orange manbaby started claiming he “frankly, had won this election,” when only the votes from election day—which, thanks to him casting doubt on the U.S. postal office, were mostly Republican—had been counted.
When the mail-in ballots began coming in and were giving a significant majority to Democratic candidate and the 46th President-elect of the United States Joe Biden, he started a lie that the Democratic party and its supporters were cheating the system, skewing the results and committing ‘voter fraud.’ Trump’s loyal followers believed his lie, throwing doubt and suspicion towards anyone and everyone, including a Fox News van parked outside a voting office that Trumpists believed was “bringing in false ballots.”
Trump is so committed to this bit and unwilling to concede defeat that he’s even organised a Donald Trump Voter Fraud Hotline, assumedly located at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, Philadelphia, in between a crematorium and dildo store. And, c’est magnifique-ly, people are prank calling. Sometimes, the internet is good.
The idea first came from Gravity Falls creator Alex Hirsch who retweeted Trump’s personal attorney Rudy Giullani’s tweet about the hotline—as in, the guy who booked Four Seasons Total Landscaping instead of Four Seasons Hotel, Philadelphia—and suggested people call in.
“I don’t want to tell anyone what to do, but if you felt like calling this number and, say, reporting the Hamburglar, I can confirm from personal experience that it would be very funny,” he tweeted, before sharing a clip of him doing so.
“Hi, uh, I’d like to report an incident of voter fraud,” Hirsch said in one of the phone call recordings, in the voice of Stanley Pines from Gravity Falls. “Yeah so, um, I committed some voter fraud. Very proud of it and I’d like to tell Mr. Rudy Giuliani about it.”
“So, y’know, I went in there and I had a big ol’ sack and I just started taking ballots out of the box, and, y’know, I didn’t even try and hide it. I waved to the crowd, I blew them kisses, and, y’know, I think I’m kinda a local hero. I’d like Rudy to give me a medal or something… SHE HUNG UP ON ME!!!”
You can watch the full clips below.
Since Alex Hirsch prank dialled the Donald Trump Voter Fraud Hotline, people on TikTok and Twitter have started to call in, too. In one clip, TikTok user @jenny_jenny_jen_jen calls up to bring to the board’s attention an “obese turtle that has rolled onto its back”—a belovedly scathing read by CNN lead anchor Anderson Cooper.
In another, Caitlin Reilly roleplays a distressed white Anglo-Saxon Protestant woman frantically calling her anxious concerns. “I was not able to vote because I was not registered, and that was fishy to me. Something is going on, okayyy. I don’t like being told no, and I know you don’t either, so we really need to band together [pants] I’m scared. Th-Thank you, please call me back.”
You can check out the highlights below and file your own experience with “voter fraud” behaviour on 1-888-630-1776. My guess? Call up someone else with another phone and place it next to the phone that’s called the Trump hotline, so they’re both confused as to who called who, like this TikTok of British mums that lives rent free in my worm brain.
Hero Source: Win McNamee (Getty Images)